Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
