Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
