so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
