Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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