why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
sarcasm needs its own font
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
