i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
