just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
