A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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