Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
