im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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