I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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