if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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