I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Someone shit on the floor
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
