im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
