Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
