my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he shaved USA in his pubs
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
