Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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