Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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