Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
