I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
