dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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