I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
