he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
