This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
