My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Randomize
