i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
