can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
