I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
