I am spending my child support on dildos
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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