I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
