He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
