seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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