Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
