She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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