Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
