She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
