I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
