I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
