I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
