woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
