i think i have two assholes
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
