He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
