you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
