i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
two words: eviction party
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
