i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
