i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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