Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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