Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
