why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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