my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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