I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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