I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
