i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
