i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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