Screwed.edu
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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