So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
