Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
