yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
