so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
